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Email, texting, IM, blogging, heaven help me. How do you keep up with the times when you personally know the person that named dirt? I keep being told you are not to old to learn, well then why does my brain feel like it has been shaken like an etcher sketch?

Sunday, July 31, 2011

" WHY?"

How many times do we use this word, and in what context? Is it ever in a positive way such as: "Why don't you look wonderful today." I think or at least in my case it is always a part of doom, hurt, anger or frustration:
WHY:       did you do that
                 can't you be quiet
                 can't you just do what I say
                 aren't there enough hours in the day
                 aren't I rich
                 do weekends go by so fast?
And then there is the BIG WHY... GOD WHY DID YOU LET THAT HAPPEN?  Why did You take my dad, Why one year and one month later did You take my Ray, Why my sister, then my mom, and the WHY, WHY GOD, did You let something so awful happen to Sam? What do you want from me, What do I have to do to please You, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO LEARN????
My grandmother would always say when times got bad..."Remember, when God closes one window another one will always open." So please tell me WHY do I feel like I live in a building without any windows???


Today, I watched Sam laughing, just because, he asked to sit outside and smiled as he looked around, just because.  I went in the house and turned on some music and Sam sat outside and started to sing. 
I thought with him outside, I could do a little cleaning up in the house and as I was sweeping the floor, dusting the furniture I heard this noise it was something I had not heard for a very very long time... I WAS SINGING!     I then began to think wow this feels good, as a matter of fact this is wonderful. I walked into the foyer and looked out the open front door and there was Crystal reading a book, Maegan was talking to Sam, and he was smiling... and this is what I learned...I had everything wrong. Things were out of order in my life and all of this family's life. We were all too busy.  Work, appointments, working on the house, having things, being in the same house all doing our own thing, and not being at home. Here we all were in the same house but it has not been a home. There is a lot of truth to the order of things:
1)   God
       2)   Husband
      3)   Children
Once all this is in place then everything else will follow. I was so busy making sure everything was, or appeared to be, perfect that I forgot about what is really important. Give it all up to God and only then, when you realize you are not the one in charge, and that the material things are not what is important, will the WHYS of self pity turn into the gratefulness in the knowledge that He will always walk us through good or bad. He will always be there to guide us through the pain and sorrow to the other side where we will find strength and appreciation. You see even though I have lost the people I have loved, I had them, and we enjoyed and learned from each other, and as far as what Sam is going through, it has shown me that he is a strong and brave man and with every new word, and every independent step, I find we cannot not take for granted the tiny gifts we have. I now know to enjoy every moment of now and tomorrow is a brand new day with brand new adventures and no matter how big or small, good or bad, there will always be something to learn and God has given me the choice to either cry or smile...just because.








                

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