I have been away from my blog for way too long. I have missed my moments of thought I share here.
Any one who knows me, knows that the last few weeks have been hard. At times I thought I would lose my mind, I didn't know how I was able to put one foot in front of the other.
My son had faced some scary scary demons that took him to an awful place and almost broke him. He was in the darkest of places and thought there would never be light for him.
How grateful I am that he had more faith deep inside of him than I think even he realized, and when the Hand of Light reached out to him, he took it and held on. He has been given the chance to understand that he is stronger than any demon and nothing can ever take a hold of you if, even if it is put way down deep inside, you have the tiniest bit of Faith and Trust in the Lord.
Within days, Sam faced yet another trip to the hospital, the result of another seizure. This time it called for a 4 day stay in the hospital. Discouraged by this and wondering if these seizures are going to be a part of his life now, he had his touch of the Hand of Light. Sam's right hand which has been curled shut since his stroke Aug. 27, 2010, was opened. What joy he had when he realized this wasn't a fluke thing, and to this day is open.
In my last blog I wrote "GOD FIRST" and today as I sit here and write this I believe it more than ever. If I have learned nothing else with everything ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE AS LONG AS YOU HAVE FAITH AND...GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME...
THANK YOU JESUS
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
" WHY?"
How many times do we use this word, and in what context? Is it ever in a positive way such as: "Why don't you look wonderful today." I think or at least in my case it is always a part of doom, hurt, anger or frustration:
WHY: did you do that
can't you be quiet
can't you just do what I say
aren't there enough hours in the day
aren't I rich
do weekends go by so fast?
And then there is the BIG WHY... GOD WHY DID YOU LET THAT HAPPEN? Why did You take my dad, Why one year and one month later did You take my Ray, Why my sister, then my mom, and the WHY, WHY GOD, did You let something so awful happen to Sam? What do you want from me, What do I have to do to please You, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO LEARN????
My grandmother would always say when times got bad..."Remember, when God closes one window another one will always open." So please tell me WHY do I feel like I live in a building without any windows???
Today, I watched Sam laughing, just because, he asked to sit outside and smiled as he looked around, just because. I went in the house and turned on some music and Sam sat outside and started to sing.
I thought with him outside, I could do a little cleaning up in the house and as I was sweeping the floor, dusting the furniture I heard this noise it was something I had not heard for a very very long time... I WAS SINGING! I then began to think wow this feels good, as a matter of fact this is wonderful. I walked into the foyer and looked out the open front door and there was Crystal reading a book, Maegan was talking to Sam, and he was smiling... and this is what I learned...I had everything wrong. Things were out of order in my life and all of this family's life. We were all too busy. Work, appointments, working on the house, having things, being in the same house all doing our own thing, and not being at home. Here we all were in the same house but it has not been a home. There is a lot of truth to the order of things:
WHY: did you do that
can't you be quiet
can't you just do what I say
aren't there enough hours in the day
aren't I rich
do weekends go by so fast?
And then there is the BIG WHY... GOD WHY DID YOU LET THAT HAPPEN? Why did You take my dad, Why one year and one month later did You take my Ray, Why my sister, then my mom, and the WHY, WHY GOD, did You let something so awful happen to Sam? What do you want from me, What do I have to do to please You, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO LEARN????
My grandmother would always say when times got bad..."Remember, when God closes one window another one will always open." So please tell me WHY do I feel like I live in a building without any windows???
Today, I watched Sam laughing, just because, he asked to sit outside and smiled as he looked around, just because. I went in the house and turned on some music and Sam sat outside and started to sing.
I thought with him outside, I could do a little cleaning up in the house and as I was sweeping the floor, dusting the furniture I heard this noise it was something I had not heard for a very very long time... I WAS SINGING! I then began to think wow this feels good, as a matter of fact this is wonderful. I walked into the foyer and looked out the open front door and there was Crystal reading a book, Maegan was talking to Sam, and he was smiling... and this is what I learned...I had everything wrong. Things were out of order in my life and all of this family's life. We were all too busy. Work, appointments, working on the house, having things, being in the same house all doing our own thing, and not being at home. Here we all were in the same house but it has not been a home. There is a lot of truth to the order of things:
1) God
2) Husband
3) Children
Once all this is in place then everything else will follow. I was so busy making sure everything was, or appeared to be, perfect that I forgot about what is really important. Give it all up to God and only then, when you realize you are not the one in charge, and that the material things are not what is important, will the WHYS of self pity turn into the gratefulness in the knowledge that He will always walk us through good or bad. He will always be there to guide us through the pain and sorrow to the other side where we will find strength and appreciation. You see even though I have lost the people I have loved, I had them, and we enjoyed and learned from each other, and as far as what Sam is going through, it has shown me that he is a strong and brave man and with every new word, and every independent step, I find we cannot not take for granted the tiny gifts we have. I now know to enjoy every moment of now and tomorrow is a brand new day with brand new adventures and no matter how big or small, good or bad, there will always be something to learn and God has given me the choice to either cry or smile...just because.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Happy Birthday Crystal-Lynn
(DON'T KNOCK IT UNLESS YOU TRY IT) This was exciting it was "just because." I loved it when my mom did things just because. So I got dressed, made the bed and said to my mom, man I don't feel well. Her reply, "Do you remember what you ate yesterday?" Oh yea I thought and continued cleaning. Well all of a sudden I felt like someone was knocking and wanted to come in...or in this case "OUT" and then faintly in my head I started to hear...stuck in side these four walls... any one that loves Paul McCartney knows this is from Band On The Run. Well the story behind this is Crystal was due June 21 and when that day came and went and my sister Laura would hear this song she would say oh listen, its the baby's theme song. She would say just picture it this poor little creature with eyes wide open, nose pressed against the womb wall with the hands pressed on either side singing the song. Well we would always laugh and to this day it has stayed the birthday joke between Crystal, myself and my best friend of over 40 years Cindy.
Well once I could dig my nails out of the wall, I went to my mom and said, I think we have a problem, and my father in all his wisdom said, "What about all the food?" I just loved my dad,but I guess when he got "the look" from both my mother, me, and my grandmother, he went and started the car.
Here we are at the hospital by noon time and then it was one, two, three...six, by this time dad is laying on the waiting room floor thinking about how bad his stomach is growling, and wondering if he will be able to have at least a sandwich when he gets home because after all it can't be much longer...can it...seven, eight, nine and then 9:53pm I was looking at the most beautiful gift from God a person could ever imagine.
Crystal this is for you:
Happy Birthday my beautiful daughter. In ways you and I grew up together and we have a special mother and daughter gift. May life bring you all your dreams, but most important may God continue to Bless you with the gifts He gave that made you...YOU!!!!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
My Heart Could Just Burst
PROUD: pleased or satisfied, as with oneself, one's possessions, achievements, etc, or with another person, his or her achievements, qualities.
If you haven't learned by now, whenever I am going to blog about my Sam, it is always preceded by a definition of some kind. As in the last time I wrote about Sam he once again has amazed me.
Today was a graduation celebration for Kirstie, Raymond's Fiance's daughter, who I consider my granddaughter, and we of course were invited. Well as much as we love going out it is a big challenge. As we finally got Sam onto the porch and he was just about to take that first, "hold your breathe" step down the stairs when he stopped and made this yell. My heart leaped out of my mouth and as I was picking it up to put it back in place, I heard a horn toot and when I looked it was a woman Sam knew when he was working that had over come major brain surgery. Now here is someone that was not given the best of hope when the procedure was explained to her and the first few months after the surgery she did not do well and that is the last thing Sam remembered about her until he saw her driving her truck. Well she yelled out her window, "MY SWEETHEART," and to our surprise and joy, Sam yelled back " HEY BABY!!!" Before she drove off she said to Sam, "EVERY DAY IS A GIFT" she blew him a kiss and drove away! Well those words, or seeing this woman that he must have thought of often, did something for him because before I knew it Sam was heading down the front stairs with very minimal assistance, he got himself into the car and we were off to Attleboro.
We arrived at our destination and with a little help from Ray, Sam was placed comfortably in the back yard under the umbrella. He soon summoned for food like the king he thinks he is, and Ray soon satisfied his hunger with the most amazing cheeseburgers...Thank you Giammalvo's!!!!!!
As time passed, so did Sam's bladder, and we had to figure out how we would get Sam into Ray's house and to the bathroom, you see this was the first time we had to do this and Ray's house is not assessable friendly. We were able to bring Sam to the front of the house where there are only 2 steps but I'm sure Sam thought it might as well have been 100 because there wasn't a railing for him to hold onto. Thank goodness Ray took up theatre at BCC because he played many of parts but I don't think any prepared him to act as a stair rail. Sam made up his mind he was going to do it, and do it he did. I don't even remember if I helped because I was so stunned, but this proved to be the first. When he made it into his chair that was waiting in the door way, he wheeled into the living room and when he saw the door way to the kitchen was a little blocked,and as clear as anything he stated,"Oh Sh--!" Well after we all regained our composure we got him to the bathroom door and of course his chair did not fit. I was waiting for another comment but instead he thought for a minute and he stood up from his chair held onto the sink counter and walked with NO assistance. Now if you are reading this, and you are a mom, do you remember what it felt like when your little one went to the bathroom on their own for the first time because after all they were now a big boy/girl and they knew they could do it? Well this was one thousand times better. Funny how such little steps leave such big impressions. I must tell you, he walked himself out of the bathroom to his chair and sat for some time because, this little thing that we all take for granted, exhausted him beyond belief. Shortly after that we left to come home and now he sits in his recliner with his legs up and having unbearable pain because of all the work his leg did and yet, he still has that " I CAN DO IT" smile on his face. ~~ I just love this man~~
If you haven't learned by now, whenever I am going to blog about my Sam, it is always preceded by a definition of some kind. As in the last time I wrote about Sam he once again has amazed me.
Today was a graduation celebration for Kirstie, Raymond's Fiance's daughter, who I consider my granddaughter, and we of course were invited. Well as much as we love going out it is a big challenge. As we finally got Sam onto the porch and he was just about to take that first, "hold your breathe" step down the stairs when he stopped and made this yell. My heart leaped out of my mouth and as I was picking it up to put it back in place, I heard a horn toot and when I looked it was a woman Sam knew when he was working that had over come major brain surgery. Now here is someone that was not given the best of hope when the procedure was explained to her and the first few months after the surgery she did not do well and that is the last thing Sam remembered about her until he saw her driving her truck. Well she yelled out her window, "MY SWEETHEART," and to our surprise and joy, Sam yelled back " HEY BABY!!!" Before she drove off she said to Sam, "EVERY DAY IS A GIFT" she blew him a kiss and drove away! Well those words, or seeing this woman that he must have thought of often, did something for him because before I knew it Sam was heading down the front stairs with very minimal assistance, he got himself into the car and we were off to Attleboro.
We arrived at our destination and with a little help from Ray, Sam was placed comfortably in the back yard under the umbrella. He soon summoned for food like the king he thinks he is, and Ray soon satisfied his hunger with the most amazing cheeseburgers...Thank you Giammalvo's!!!!!!
As time passed, so did Sam's bladder, and we had to figure out how we would get Sam into Ray's house and to the bathroom, you see this was the first time we had to do this and Ray's house is not assessable friendly. We were able to bring Sam to the front of the house where there are only 2 steps but I'm sure Sam thought it might as well have been 100 because there wasn't a railing for him to hold onto. Thank goodness Ray took up theatre at BCC because he played many of parts but I don't think any prepared him to act as a stair rail. Sam made up his mind he was going to do it, and do it he did. I don't even remember if I helped because I was so stunned, but this proved to be the first. When he made it into his chair that was waiting in the door way, he wheeled into the living room and when he saw the door way to the kitchen was a little blocked,and as clear as anything he stated,"Oh Sh--!" Well after we all regained our composure we got him to the bathroom door and of course his chair did not fit. I was waiting for another comment but instead he thought for a minute and he stood up from his chair held onto the sink counter and walked with NO assistance. Now if you are reading this, and you are a mom, do you remember what it felt like when your little one went to the bathroom on their own for the first time because after all they were now a big boy/girl and they knew they could do it? Well this was one thousand times better. Funny how such little steps leave such big impressions. I must tell you, he walked himself out of the bathroom to his chair and sat for some time because, this little thing that we all take for granted, exhausted him beyond belief. Shortly after that we left to come home and now he sits in his recliner with his legs up and having unbearable pain because of all the work his leg did and yet, he still has that " I CAN DO IT" smile on his face. ~~ I just love this man~~
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thought of the Day
“Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.”
~King Solomon~
~King Solomon~
Sunday, June 19, 2011
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